TO MY READERS:

Hello to my lovely readers. You might be wondering where I've been lately?

Well, I'm finally recovering, which means I've been staying far away from this xanga. No worries, I'm still writing, but I'm writing on a public site where I refuse to be anonymous. I still say what I think, but I'm not afraid to tell people who I am while I'm saying it. I might not have as many readers (and believe me, I don't), but this is something I need to do to stay healthy.

You can still message me, although please no mass messages. Honestly, they're annoying as hell. (Yeah, I've sent a few in my day, but seriously, some of you are out of hand.) If you want to personally message me, please do. I won't be on here often, but when I am I'll check out check up and see if there's anything new going on.

Love to all of you, and I wish you all well and HEALTHY!

<3

Disappointment

Typically, I don't beg for comments on any of my blogs, and my regular readers should know this. But this time, I'm a little disappointed. I posted a blog ("I need (th)inspiration") and expected some, ANY feedback from it. Obviously it wasn't a work of genius, it was more like a plea, but I still expected response.

Of course, I don't write for readers, but this time it was for that. It was more of a question than my feelings. Anyway, I'm disappointed.

I need (th)inspiration

It's Sure Been A While..

It's been more than a month, actually. Things, overall, are going well. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving break, and I'm ready for Christmas.

I'm happy, mostly. Going back to school means falling back into restrict-mode, which may or may not be a good thing. I haven't weighed myself in a while, and I surely need to, but the recovery side of me says not to.

I've also been thinking about good ol' Si lately. I haven't done that in God knows how long, and I surely don't want to start again, but part of me questions it. I miss my scars, and bandaids and hiding my little secret from the world. It's a strange feeling, to be recovered but still wanting to fall back into it again.

When I walked through the kitchen a few minutes ago, I saw the exact same pill case that I used to carry my razor blades in. It gave me a weird feeling, like I needed it again, even though life is going pretty good. I don't know.

Sometimes surveys help you say what you can't.

This survey came from xBabayyyy, by the way.

What's the most emotionally scarring thing you've had to go through?
My journey with self-injury and depression. Unless you've been there, it's hard to comprehend how mentally and physically draining all of it is. Too many people are suffering, and too few people are recovering. If I could give anyone one peice of advice about getting throught it- Don't ever give up, no matter how badly you want to; no matter how much you think you can't go on, you can, and you will, you have to work for it, and you may think it's going to kill you in the process, but you are strong enough to get through it, as long as you don't give up.

When you wake up in the morning what is usually your first thought?
Usually about how strange it is that I never feel fully-rested.

Do you think more during the day or at night?
The day, now, it used to be the night.

What's your opinion on "God"?
I believe in Him with all of my heart and soul, and I owe everything to Him.

What's your opinion on evolution?
My opinion? God created the heavens and the earth. I don't doubt that things have changed over time, but I believe He is responsible for those changes.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I don't have a specific place in which I want to live, it only matters who I'm with.

Do you think it's wrong to deny gays the right to marriage?
Yes. I think it's wrong to tell someone who they can and cannot love.

How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons?
I understand that America needs to protect our country, but has anyone ever seen the movie "Terms of Engagement"? Too many innocent die.

Are you racist or sexist at all?
No.

How do you feel about eating disorders?
They happen all too often, and I wish someone could do something more about it. It's a road I wish I had never journeyed on, but more than that, I wish no one had journeyed on it.

Who do you talk to when you're sad?
My boyfriend.

Why did you cry last?
Because I was an emotional wreck- which typically happens only once a month.

What song has the most meaning to you?
The Last Night by Skillet or Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Do you think it's important to get a college education?
Yes, no matter how challenging it may be.

How do you feel about abortion?
I refuse to answer this question for anyone but myself, and that, remains in my heart and mind if I ever get into a situation of the sort. I can't answer for you.

How do you feel about President Obama?
I'm a Democrat; I support him.

Have you ever seriously considered killing yourself?
Yes.

Would you ever become a vegetarian or vegan?
I'm a vegetarian, as for going vegan, I believe that cows must be milked or it is painful for them, and I love cheese, haha.

How do you feel about sex before marriage?
It depends on the person, and ideas change. Do whatever is right in your situation.

How do you feel about drugs?
I think I've seen it hurt too many people that I love. It's not a road I want anyone to travel- and I hate them, to be blunt.
Do you think marijuana should be legalized? Why?
Absolutely not. It isn't as if it would change anything anyway- people that wish to do it, do it.

Are you stereotypical?
I have no the slightest clue.

Who do you love the most?
God, and my boyfriend.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Depends.

Would/have you ever cheated on someone?
No, and absolutely not.

How do you feel about the media?
I think the news media needs to reconsider the fact that they're supposed to give us information about what's going on in our world- not who has gained a few pounds and "might be pregnant" or whatever else they're reporting these days.

What's the worst way the media have affected you?
My eating disorder, though do not get me wrong, I am no solely blaming them.

Do you believe in love? Why or why not?
I believe in love almost more than anything else.

Who do you trust with your life?
My boyfriend.

Do you think our society is too looks-obsessed? 
But of course.